chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
