brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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