so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
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I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
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Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."