Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.