I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
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Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
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This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue