i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
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I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
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It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.