I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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