So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.