I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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