found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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