Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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