Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
