WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
id be glad to
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
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