One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We don't watch enough power rangers
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
