Your dad touched me again.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
