And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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