I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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