Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
