Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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