So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
