Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
