No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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