I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
