You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We just shotgunned beers for America
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
