she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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