I think i peed on brittanys purse
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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