Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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