After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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