dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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