we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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