The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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