at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
