i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
birth control should be required to get into college
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
