question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
