either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
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