Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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