i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
