it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
