we made out on top of his cat.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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