Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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