Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
