Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
