I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
