My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
