I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
