do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
