Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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