I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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