Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
