I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
