Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
