We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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