You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
