last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
