You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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