i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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