Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I pour the whiskey from now on
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize