Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
