just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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