I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
