you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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