My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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