I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
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My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
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My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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