I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
