The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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