Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
