Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
