it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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