If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
