dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
