i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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