He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize