my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
