Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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