Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
