Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
