Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
