Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm always down for nudity.
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