Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
