is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
