Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
