I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
