i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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