Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
